Frou Frou – Holding Out For a Hero

There's nothing I hate more than misguided naïve girls who like to judge others because they can’t see beyond their own little utopia.
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If I'm intolerant of people who are intolerant, does that make me a hypocrite or just holier than thou?
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My days of being with the wrong girls, for the wrong reasons, under false pretenses, solely for the sake of sleeping with them are so far behind me.

My days of being with the right girls, for the right reasons, without the pretenses, solely for the sake of sleeping with them are well on their way!
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When I was about 8 years old, like other boys my age, I wanted to be a ninja. Unlike other 8 year old boys though, I wasn't satisfied with plastic imitations of ninja weapons and decided to make my own real weapons. With my dad's tool shed at my disposal I made a pair of numchucks out of wood and some chains, brass knuckles with 2 inch nails on the end and a miniature sickle.

My first attempt at being a real ninja got me called to the principal's office for chasing around the other kids with my brass knuckles. Mom and dad were not amused.

My second attempt at being a real ninja led me on a journey to the park. There I found a cabbage patch doll belonging to one of the neighbours' kids. I proceeded to interrogate the cabbage patch doll with my numchucks. It was unfortunate that it chose not to talk because I then had to resort to extreme measures. I used my sickle to dismember its limbs. After that I buried it in the sand.

The grave I dug turned out to be too shallow. Ninjas are experts in killing people not burying corpses. The neighbour and his kid came to our house with the dismembered limbs in hand to ask if we saw anyone do this. Ninjas are however, experts in lying because I told them I saw some other kids at the playground earlier in the day playing with her doll.

I had a hard time sleeping after this incident so I hung up my numchucks and retired.

I came back out of retirement when I was in grade 9. I made professional blow darts that had a range of about 30 – 50 feet. Each dart was sharp enough to stick firmly into a wooden board. I sold these to the other kids in my tech class. After nearly taking out a kid's eye from across the room I retired for good.

I miss my ninja days.